Well it has been awhile since my last post.
Been doing some reflecting lately. Where I am at in my life. Stuff that is going on etc, etc.
I have long known that I have spent a lot of my life in fear.
Fear of failure. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of rejection.
I went to my girlfriend’s 20th high school reunion on the weekend. I went to the same high school but am a few years older. I did recognize a few people.
Whoever came up with the concept of reunions should be questioned.
A lot of people are wonderfully successful and kudos to them. They have accomplished things.
Me Not so much. Here I am in my smallish home town working at the local factory. Years ago it was considered a good place to have a job. This is not the case now for whatever reason.
The other day I was spoken to about using a green marker on the white board instead of a black one.
Yes you read that correctly.
This is why my boss makes 65000.00$ a year I guess.
I don’t mind hard work. In fact I rather enjoy it.
But this is not the path I saw for myself.
So it forces oneself to reflect on how this came to be.
And for me I think the answer is fear.
I am afraid to try anything new. I am afraid to apply for jobs. I am afraid to take risks.
This is not a very good way to live your life.
So what can be done about it?
How can a person get over fear?
I would like to do something that makes a difference. I want a sense of accomplishment.
I am not looking for riches. I don’t care about that. Yes a person has to be able to support themselves and I have my teenage son to look out for.
As you can tell I am feeling a bit lost right now.
Certainly a lot of people would suggest that this is life. That everyone goes through this kind of internal struggle. I get that.
But I don’t agree with it.
Again I know I have a lot to be grateful for.
But what do you do when you are not happy with your current path in life and you feel like a failure?