Have you ever felt that the life that you are living is not really the one you want to live? That you are in essence living a lie?

I do. Not really a very positive thought I know.

I have a good life by all accounts and I know that we are supposed to live a life of gratitude.

For as long as I can remember I have compared myself to others and have always felt inadequate, invisible and not worthy.

Maybe this is the dysthymic disorder. Or is that an excuse?

Also, do you feel that you are trying to live a life that others expect you to live? Maybe you are not really being true to yourself. You are working in a job that has no fulfillment. Going through the motions. Each day is the same carbon copy of the day before.

I am soon to be 43. Mid life crisis perhaps? Maybe.

Is it time to get an escape plan together so that when T is done school in a few short years I pack my bags and go?

Waiting until I am 65 or older to “retire” is an option that does not seem all that appealing to me.

Who says we have to wait to experience our dreams?


12 thoughts on “Living A Lie

  1. How did you get inside my head? Seriously thought I was the only person on the planet to feel this way. So no, you are not inadequate, invisible or unworthy. I feel what you feel and I am sorry that you have to experience it. But for once, you are not alone. And neither am I.

      1. I’m not sure if “interesting” would be the word I would use–all things considered, “depressing” might be more appropriate.

        As you stated in the original post, trying to live the life others expect of us probably plays a big role in living a lie for a lot of people. In fact, I would also add trying to prove something to someone else or impress someone else as contributors.

  2. I feel this way much of the time and this last year is making me seem like I have multiple personalities as I am trying to change things for what fits me better and sticking to them. I have been letting “me” shine a whole lot more. The older I get the less I am caring about what others think, or want me to do or not do. For once in my life I am also creating boundaries. I have small freakout moments where I lose my self confidence in who I am and start to cave back to the “mold” but it doesn’t take long πŸ˜‰ I am learning. Much of what you wrote applies to me much of the time.

  3. There’s so much fear of living the life you want to live because of how other people may evaluate or categorize your decision, that it can halt progress. We had to overcome this ourselves in many ways. But then when you pull the trigger…wow! We’re now experiencing freedom and the truth in knowing we are following our own dreams and path, not someone else’s version of it. Choose your attitude, live big, go for it! The world awaits.

  4. I felt exactly the same way, and I did something about it! πŸ™‚
    I was already planning on going minimalist as humanly as possible. so I sold most of my belongings (furniture, CDs, books, guitars, computers, and everything in between), and ended up with 2 suitcases containing pretty much everything I own. mostly computer the peripherals (I work with computer), then I flew to Brazil. I saved up enough to survive for a couple of years, contemplating on what I really want to do, what I want to achieve in my life, and all the cheezy philosophizing stuff.

    ll I can say is, I did the right thing! though I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do in my career (I want some changes in my career to have a better life / work balance), and the savings are diminishing everyday, but I have no regret! anyone can do this! in fact, I bet many of you are already better off than I am.

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