If you yourself deal with dysthymic disorder, or know someone who has dysthymia, you know how frustrating it can be at times.
My own dealings with it are somewhat maddening. I am certainly more of an introvert so I tend to isolate myself. I have always been this way. I am okay with alone time and solitude. But at the same time I find myself wanting some type of interaction with others. Bit of a contradiction isn’t it?
I was given the opportunity on Friday to go out and sit with some friends at a local pub but I turned it down. Why? I was just in one of those moods where I wanted to wallow. Not cool I know.
Those of you who have dysthymia know what I mean I am sure.
Yesterday I barely moved. It was a rainy and cool day so I read a bit and watched a bit of football. But the thing is there is nothing that is really exciting me these days. Nothing.
Here is the other thing. This is a bit hard to admit on a public blog. I do not feel like a man at all. What I mean by that is I really have no interest in sex whatsoever. There I said it. Now maybe it is the medication I take for the dysthymia, I do not know. I am 43 and would like to think that I will have a healthy interest in sex again at some point.
The ONLY interaction I have with other people these days is at work. Other than that I am by myself. I work 12 hour shifts and it is shift work so I am working or sleeping. Yes I have stretches of days where I am off but I do nothing.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. You will suggest that I need to get out and meet people or join a group or something. I live in a small town of about 8000 people. It seems to be mostly seniors. Even on the weekends the town shuts down by 9 or 10 PM. Plus with the shift work I am not sure it will work. Excuses? Maybe. And again the dysthymia makes me think that I am constantly being judged by others.
Anyway I needed to get some of this out. On a more positive note, after 7 years I finally got my divorce petition papers. Thank goodness! So at least that chapter of my life can finally be closed.
I would love to hear from those of you who have some dythymic disorder stories to share.
Thanks for reading.