The weather here in Nova Scotia at this time of year is wonderful. Very cool and crisp and there is frost most mornings. If the sun is shining there can be some warmth during the day. It is the kind of day that most people would long for.
But for some reason I am having a hard time finding any joy within this glorious day.
The truth is I am having a hell of a time finding joy in much of anything.
A lot of people would love to have a day to themselves to do…nothing. Everyday that I am not at work is like that for me. It is not all it is cracked up to be.
I have a job. I have money. But something is missing. Some kind of meaning. A purpose. Hell a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Don’t we all want some kind of validation for our existence? If I were to get in my car and drive away how long would it be before anyone even noticed? Quite a while I expect.
Things that would normally make me smile or laugh are not working.
I have a day off from work today and in reality I might as well be at work. Sad but true.
Being on my own is a bit tiring. There is only so much one can do.
Is there anyone else out there who is also struggling with finding joy these days?
It all feels so pointless.
Get up, putter around, go to bed. Repeat.
Music, reading, exercise, walking. None of it is doing anything for me.
I don’t even feel like eating which is a shock.
I have read various articles on what to do to try and find joy in simple things but nothing is working.
My friends, and there are not many when you are a 43 year old guy, are married and do not live close by or are too busy. What do I expect from them anyway? I know that my health and happiness are my own responsibility.
I am just having a hard time even seeing the point.
Another day closer to death.