There are not too many truthful articles out there about being a middle aged man who is single.

Anything you read have single guys going out with friends to hip nightclubs and finding some stunningly beautiful female to go home with.

Or there are lots of articles written by younger single women about the perils of being single and how hard it is t meet a decent guy that you actually connect with.

<h3>Being Single Can Be Okay</h3>

The other thing you read a lot is that being single allows a person to “find themselves”. To get their shit together. Again true. To a point.

I do get to do whatever I want, whenever I want for as long as I want.

Certainly it is true that the most important relationship you will ever have is the one that you have with yourself.

But there is only so much self reflection one can do. After a while you can get bored with your own company. Left-over chicken in front of the TV gets tired.

Being single can be overrated. It is not an episode of Sex and the City. Of course a lot of us suffer from “the grass is always greener” way of thinking when it comes to relationships.

I am an introvert by nature. I am now at risk of turning into a recluse. Hell maybe that has happened already.

“Get out and socialize!” you say. Um. When you are a 46 year old guy that shit doesn’t happen all that much.

My other friends are away and married with young kids. Yes I could try Meet Up. Not to meet someone but just to socialize and hang out with people. That would be a great project for the new year.

I have tried the online dating thing. I would rather jab a fork in my eye.

Riddle me this. How do people get together? I see them. There are couples out there. How does that happen?

<h3>How To Cope With Feelings of Loneliness</h3>

I am now at the point where I realize that maybe some of us are just meant to be on our own. Don’t say alone! Hell, saying you are alone or lonely may be worse than saying you have an incurable disease. No one wants to hear it.

Look I have a great life. It is a simple life and one that I enjoy. I work, make money, have a decent apartment,have amazing friends and get to do some amazing traveling.

But there are times when it would just be nice to hang out with someone.

I have a business and a brain. I can converse on a variety of topics. Hmmm. So what is it? I would love to know what is missing in the equation that keeps some of us(me) from having a meaningful relationship.

There is a stigma attached to being single in your 40’s. There MUST be something wrong with you if that is the case. And I know that it is probably worse for women in this situation.

It ain’t no picnic for men either.

Please comment on this post and share it via social media. Thank you.

“Change The Code. Change Your Life”

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24 thoughts on “Acceptance Of Being Single

  1. I love reading your posts. You always give me food for thought.
    I do have thoughts on your predicament. Did you ever consider telling your married friends that you are interested in meeting someone? Often the most successful meet ups are those you get through mutual friends. People do not like to set others up. They think you will not want it. It is up to you to let your friends know so they can help you.
    As for staying home. It is an option, but you should get out. Join a club or group that is interested in the things you are interested in. Do not go out to meet someone. Go out to join in adventures/events you would enjoy even if you don’t meet anyone. You will meet people. All sorts of people. You will not find anyone if you stay at home.

    1. I have one friend in this area and YES she knows that I would be open to meeting someone. She says that she knows no one. So there you go on that. I have asked her repeatedly. No go. In a small town of 6000 of seniors(nothing against seniors-I hope to be one someday!) unless I am into knitting there are no groups I am interested in. I have checked and asked around about this as well.
      Thanks a lot for your thoughts. I just want to be around people and maybe go to a movie or something. I no longer have illusions of a romantic relationship.

      1. I am sure there are a lot of like minded people in your area. You should start your own group.
        Build it and they will come. 🙂
        Set up an event. Tell people when and where it is. Maybe invite your friend mentioned in above message so you have an ally. Make sure everyone invited knows it is just a social outing so nobody feels pressured. Pass out fliers, post it in your church or work place.
        It is possible that nobody will show up at first, but you never know. Even if seniors show up, welcome them. It is about widening your circle of friends. They are sure to know of women your age. They could be a good source of connections.
        Good luck!

  2. I met my husband of 27 years at work. He was actually my patient, and this was when I was working in the physical therapy field. I think meeting a potential significant other at work is an option. As for the “club” scene, I second your fork in the eye feedback. If work isn’t an option, joining a group that has a theme you are passionate about may work. I don’t think this is an easy thing to do, but as an option, it is out there. I love your posts. You always bring an insight, honesty, and different angle every time. I know I said it before, but I am so grateful you didn’t stop this blog. I know eventually you will, but at least for now, your readers get to keep reaping the benefits!

    1. Thanks for your kind words about the blog. I work in a manufacturing facility so there are few women. I was a teacher and there were women there to be sure but I seem to be invisible to women it seems. And I am not saying this to invoke pity. It really is true. Most women want a smallish, lean guy. I am football player big. Not what most women go for. It is okay. I am accepting it for what it is. I just needed to voice it. Hence the post:)

  3. I met my boyfriend online. A lot of people knock online dating, but it’s worked for me! But it wasn’t overnight. I went on A LOT of bad dates in order to find my current boyfriend. A lot of it is just patience.

    Last year I moved to a new area and started a new job, hence the online dating. But in order to make new friends I looked to church. Churches are awesome places to meet people. There is always a potluck, bible study, hike, etxc. etc. to attend when you are involved at church. Just

    1. When I was on a dating site I sent over 100 messages and got 2 replies. That does wonders for the old ego:)

      I get a kick out of stunningly beautiful people who complain about not being able to find anyone. Um, here is a tip. GO OUTSIDE! They don’t need to be online to meet someone. Online dating should be for us mere mortals. Just my opinion.

      As far as church I don’t think they allow non-believers in the club;)

      Thanks a lot for the comment.

  4. It is hard to meet people. My wife and I often wonder how people can actually find someone, most of the old advice is dated. You know, go to church meet someone at the grocery store. Get arrested for stalking. I think that a person has to get out in social settings and meet more people, not necessarily a partner. As you meet new people, your pool of potential partners grows through friends of new friends.
    We are into a hobby called geocaching. It is a great hobby that gets you out of the house, see new places and meet new people. There is a get together in your town on Feb. 15 at 2:30 AM at the Tims by the old bridge. We will be there with a group of people, if you are interested in finding out about a new hobby and maybe meeting a new circle of acquaintances this could work, if you have the day off. Check out http://www.geocaching.com for more info on the hobby.

    1. Hey thanks for the info. I certainly have heard of geocaching and have thought about it before. Yes it seems difficult to meet people. It happens of course I just don’t understand how. Stepping outside of ones comfort zone is a start.

  5. At 44 I decided I was done with the whole dating scene… worked on building a decent life for me… at 49 tripped over an old friend now divorced… been together since… Build a decent life… don’t worry about it… As someone divorced being single sucked but in comparison was not to bad. Oh, and no relationship if far better than a bad one… I can promise you that 🙂

    Oh, and buy a motorcycle 🙂

    1. “No relationship is far better than a bad one”. Truer words have never been spoken. I was more “alone” when I was married than I am now.

      As far as the motorcycle goes, it isn’t for me:)

      Maybe a dog…

      Thanks for the comment!

  6. I’d say it starts with your attitude. Have confidence for starters. Stop thinking everyone is looking at you weird because your 43 and at a bar/sporting event/church/farmers market, etc. by yourself…in reality, nobody gives a shit. Go have fun doing whatever you feel like doing and people of the opposite sex will notice. Smile, say hello, enjoy whatever your doing, start a conversation with someone, etc. If you walk in with low confidence, you’ll walk out with it too. Massage your ego, man or woman up, and walk proudly. Good things will happen.

  7. This article hit home for me. I am 37 and have already accepted the fact that I was meant to be on my own (single). i just don’t meet anybody’s relationship criteria, so I simply try and enjoy life as much as I can given the circumstances I am in. Besides, there isn’t a rule that says you HAVE to be with somebody.

  8. I believe that as we age, we become creatures of habit. The older we get, the more we become set in our ways. After a while, going out and socializing becomes redundant and we (I) would rather be in my house on a Friday night, nice and warm, cuddled up with a good book. Then there are times I wish I had a partner, but then the thought fades away, and I’m okay with being single. Love your articles.

  9. Not sure if it harder for a woman in her mid-forties to be single – I understand that for women marriage is more stressful than it is for men. But that’s immaterial if you want a relationship, which is after all a normal thing to do.

    I don’t know what the answer is directly, in view of how you’ve described where you live, your job etc. On the other hand, if your environment is that dire you could try looking further afield. It might not be ideal but a group of friends in the next town is better than none anywhere.

  10. By the way, some friends did try to set me up last year, unsolicited. They are no longer my friends. We all have our individual values and perhaps someone else would have been thrilled by the prospect but it could be because your friend values you that they can’t think of anyone, if you see what I mean.

    I agree that online dating is pants, anyway. I’d rather go digging on my allotment and just talk to normal people about normal things 🙂

  11. oh get a life. I too was facing a life as a single then starting doing activities that made me happy such as cycling (mountain and road), volunteering at a local school, took college classes..just getting out and meeting people. If you are happy, you will attract like people. I was not out looking for a life partner, just doing what I liked and wanted to do. I did meet some great people and one of them became my spouse. We’ve been married now for almost 20 years. Good luck and go have some fun. Please.

  12. I’m single at 38. I get lonely sometimes but in the end what are you supposed to do? Go out and get drunk at a bar by yourself? I’ve done that plenty and I just end up more broke and depressed. The hard truth is that you need to sew up a relationship in your younger years or just accept that your older years will be more introverted and lonely. Truth be told, who cares? I get so tired of people acting like being in a relationship is a necessary condition of being a full, mature adult. The loneliest I’ve ever been was when I was in my last serious relationship. And, frankly, most people I interact with are very dumb and unattractive. I couldn’t imagine being happy with any of them. I think being happy alone is a sign of much more maturity and strength than needing someone with you 24/7 like a baby. I like my space, I am comfortable keeping my own company, and with Internet porn, who needs a chick with all the annoying opinions and stupid statements? If they made prostitution legal it would solve all of my issues.

  13. Well here it is, that time of year: the holidays. Being single and 38 (turn 39 in 2015), it can be a bit of a downer to be at home with the parents and mingle with my brother, his wife and my niece etc…. while I have no one special with me. Don’t get me wrong, there are worse fates. I am thankful to be employed full time, have my health etc… but it’s true, being single can suck at at times and the biggest trouble with it is how hard it is to change it as you get older. I took a job in a small town (only thing I was offered when I was desperately looking) and there just isn’t any real opportunity to meet people here. I’m about 90 minutes out of a major city but that’s a pretty long drive and no one wants to date a guy that is so far away. Maybe I’ll move closer to the city in a year or two (I’ll be 40-41 at that time) but who knows? I’m not sure about you but my parents never mention my persistent single status. I am starting to wonder if people think I’m gay or something, lol, not that it matters really but jeez, it’s as if people forget how hard it is to meet someone OR they met someone when they were younger as we all do and just clung for dear life and have no idea how hard it is to meet someone later in life. Either way, it does suck at times that’s for sure. Have you met anyone since writing this blog?

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